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 Post subject: 'growing apart' ?
PostPosted: 11 Aug 2008, 10:33 
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Grand Poobah
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from another board

And not all marriages end because of abuse. Some end b/c we humans now live so damn long, the partners grow and change as people, their tastes, interests, political/religious leanings, etc. diverge, they just grow apart.


This is sad.

Why don't people make a concerted effort to grow together and maintain that relationship rather than trash it when you grow apart?

Or is it a conception that marriage is easy, and there's no work invloved?

Thoughts?

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 Post subject: Re: 'growing apart' ?
PostPosted: 11 Aug 2008, 10:43 
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Acolyte

Joined: 05 Jun 2008, 14:45
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Well, maybe there is a finite lifetime for a relationship - when the initial assumptions that went into the relationship peter out, it may be better to move on. Some people are really renewed by parting ways with each other.


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 Post subject: Re: 'growing apart' ?
PostPosted: 11 Aug 2008, 20:26 
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Garden Goddess
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Location: up the river
premjan wrote:
Well, maybe there is a finite lifetime for a relationship - when the initial assumptions that went into the relationship peter out, it may be better to move on. Some people are really renewed by parting ways with each other.


could you expound further on this.

From my perspective I see folks getting married and having a bag full of false expectations( I know I had em) of what marriage and married life is.

I think people do evolve as they go through life(rightfully so) and it takes a concerted effort to maintain an intimate relationship. and really the important relationships do and they must have balance.

I have been watching 2 of my friends from high school who are married, just disrespect each other all.the.time. Its insane. and they are teaching their kids that dropping the f bomb, calling each other SOB's. bitch, etc. screaming and walking out is normal. they need to seperate In My Opinion and seek counseling if not divorce. They are so unhealthy together, they bring out the ABSOLUTE UGLY in each other. I have not had contact with them for over a year, my choosing.

together 17 years, and thought considerably about divorce 4 times the 1st ten years. so really I dont consider ourselves perfect, just human.

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 Post subject: Re: 'growing apart' ?
PostPosted: 12 Aug 2008, 09:17 
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Acolyte

Joined: 05 Jun 2008, 14:45
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For instance a girl may be looking for Prince Charming, rather than the bloke that's really in front of her. A guy may be looking for someone subservient without realizing that the worm may turn in time. At some point the light bulb will go off in one of their heads and they may realize the person they married is not at all what they wanted.


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 Post subject: Re: 'growing apart' ?
PostPosted: 12 Aug 2008, 09:44 
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Grand Poobah
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Joined: 18 Sep 2007, 11:26
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Location: Buffalo, NY
But is that 'growing apart'?

Or is that never being 'together' in the first place?

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 Post subject: Re: 'growing apart' ?
PostPosted: 12 Aug 2008, 10:04 
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Acolyte

Joined: 05 Jun 2008, 14:45
Posts: 68
Well, I suppose it could be something like the "scales falling from the eyes". Growing apart is also possible I guess - maybe you become more mature and outgrow your earlier interest in your spouse. They didn't mature enough to keep up with you or the other way around.


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